my star is fading
by Espoir Noir
Summary: they're young, and exuberant, and hopeful, and how can they possibly know that death is just around the corner?
1. no, i don't want to battle

**Disclaimer: **I own no characters. Lyrics belong to Coldplay.

_dorcas meadowes & sirius black_

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"_…__That's Dorcas Meadowes, Voldemort killed her personally…"_

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___No, I don't want to battle from beginning to end_

___I don't want to cycle, recycle revenge_

___I don't want to follow death and all his friends_

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She'd loved him since forever _(or was it longer?)_, almost as long as she'd been called Cass. It was Lily who'd given her the nickname, when she admitted that she couldn't stand the jokes about 'Dorcas' _(and her parents' complete lack of common sense)_.

But he never noticed _(not that she expected he would)_. Why would he see plain old Cass when there was vibrant, fiery Marlene and gentle Lily and witty Mary? Even quiet Remus, silently doing his essays in the corner that was most definitely his took more of Sirius' attention than she did.

So instead she worked _(and worked and worked and worked)_ until she could do stunning spells in her sleep, and transfigure almost anything into a nail _(and she collected the nails in a box under her bed and joked that they were for her coffin)_. She was younger than him _(not that that seemed to matter to him)_ but she knew that she was faster and better with her wand than he was _(even though she'd never let him discover that). _

She knew it was Lily who convinced him to take her on the date to Hogsmeade _(and she both hated and loved her friend for it)._ She dressed in periwinkle blue, but he didn't seem to notice _(as per usual)_ and she couldn't even get him to discuss Quidditch _(and she didn't know if it was Marlene or Remus who was occupying his attention this time)_.

He kissed her, outside the Common Room. But it was brief, perfunctory, and she hated that that was all she was ever going to get. _(And she joked with Lily about it even though inside her heart was shattering). _

So she loved him in silence, and watched from afar, and dreamt of him every night. And when she joined the Order she did it for him, and every time she let loose a curse it was to protect him and hope that perhaps this spell would make sure that he would last another day_ (because they all knew that reckless, reckless Sirius would be the first to die. Except that he wasn't, and she detested herself for being glad about that)._

One night, just before he graduated, she carved his initials with hers on her bed _(and she almost went to find him and tell him 'I love you like no one has ever loved before.')_ And then she pretended to move on, and laughed and joked with the others even though she couldn't be the mate that Marlene was. She was plain Cass, _(and it ached that that was all she'd ever be to him)_.


	2. yeah, you make me merry

**A/N:** I own nothing. Lyrics belong to Kate Nash.

_mary macdonald & peter pettigrew_

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"…_Do you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?"_

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_Yeah, you make me merry_

_You make me very, very, very happy_

_But obviously you didn't want to stick around_

_So I learnt from you_

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They weren't in love _(Mary didn't know if she believed in love, anyway)_. But they understood each other. And in these times, that mattered _(Hell, it had always mattered to her)_. She didn't know if the others knew what they did together when everyone else was at Quidditch games _(and to be perfectly honest she didn't much care)_, and she just kept pretending like they were friends _(Because they were just friends). _

She stood up for him, sometimes, when the boys got too caught up in making fun of him _(because they made fun of everyone, and even Lily wasn't exempt from that_), and he sent her a grateful look that said _Thanks, even though I wish you didn't have to do that._ He was brave, Peter, even if he didn't look it. Marlene laughed at Mary, and asked her what she saw in him and even though Mary laughed along, really she thought the others were blind _(but they were just friends anyway)_.

It was him that found her when Mulciber and his cronies ganged up on her _(and she doesn't want to think about that day again, thanks)_, and he held her all the way back to the Common Room. It was Peter who yelled at Lily about the sort of company she kept, even though Mary knew it wasn't Lily's fault _(but it felt nice for someone to stick up for her, and besides, someone had to tell Lily what they were all thinking). _

Mary hated Peter's nickname, and she didn't understand why he put up with it, but he gave her a look that said _There a lot of things you don't understand about me_, and she wondered now if that was when she'd first started losing him. Peter had never had walls, not like Remus, and not like Black, and she liked that about him _(that was why they were friends, because it was easy and nice, and she felt happy with him_). But slowly, he built them up, and they never did their homework together anymore, and he sat with Remus at breakfast, and she waited for him to owl all holidays _(but he never did)_, and she wasn't stupid so she didn't think he was just going to change back again one day _(and she wished that she could say she didn't mind). _

She had other friends, but no one was quite as curious as Peter, or quite as willing to forgive her dreadful jokes, and no one hugged her quite as tightly as he did. _(They were just friends, even if they had done things friends didn't do, and she couldn't make herself hate him for that). _

Still, they had years and years ahead of them, and she wasn't silly enough to get upset because he wanted to hang around with different people _(even if said people were loud and brash, and not her sort of people at all_).

They had never been in love, they were just friends _(even if no one commented when they stopped sitting in the Common Room together_).


End file.
